It used to be a day that was so incredibly painful for me. A day where I purposely avoided going to church because it hurt when mothers were asked to stand or when countless babies were dedicated to God in front of our church family. My arms were empty and my heart had a raw ache. I learned my lesson that it was just best to stay home when before I left the room in tears. I watched friends grow ripe with round bellies and gritted my teeth as I sat through their baby showers. I tried desperately to be excited for them but it was difficult when my belly remained flat.
When you want something so badly, it seems like the reminders of what you don't have are everywhere. I know that I will never, ever forget that hurt in my life and I know that I never, ever want to. Those feelings and emotions are a constant reminder to me that I am beyond blessed in my life right now.
A little over a year ago, I was given the most beautiful gift. The gift I was given came to me in an unexpected way. Instead of having empty arms, they BOTH were full.
On Mother's Day, my heart is full of love not only for my two beautiful daughters but for a woman who entrusted ME with this beautiful gift. My daughters' birth mother is amazing. Period. She is so, so special to me and someone I would consider to be a dear friend. We have a wonderful relationship with her and she's someone I pray for and have in my heart daily.
One of my "secret" loves about our adoption is how much my girls look like me. A little story about that...when my husband and I were dating (and starting to get serious) he told me he could just picture a little girl with my blue eyes. That's something that has remained in my heart to this day. As the girls have grown, I get so many comments about how they look just like me. These comments come from people who both know and don't know about our adoption. I LOVE it! I love that God made this hope come true for my husband. My mom took this photo of me and my girls at Easter. I can't look at it without tearing up.
I've certainly learned in the past year that motherhood is not a bed of roses. It's definitely the most challenging role I've ever had in my life. Most days are beyond wonderful but today was one that left me weary. My poor babies are teething and it's the worst experience we've had yet. I feel so helpless with they are hurting. I became really frustrated which led to "mom guilt." Boy, do I struggle with that sometimes! :)
But, on this Mother's Day...it's one that will be extra special for me. It's also the day that we will stand before our church family and dedicate our daughters to the Lord. Finally, finally, FINALLY, I will get to be among the other mothers in my church and experience the same joy that Hannah had in the Bible when she dedicated her son to God. We chose not to dedicate the girls on Mother's Day last year because they were only a week old. (At that point in my life, I was lucky to get dressed for the day!) :)
So, dear friends, I pray that you have a blessed Mother's Day! And if your heart aches on this day, please know that I am saying an extra prayer today just for YOU.